Lessons from a first-time mom

 Two months in & I think we're figuring some things out. But I won't get too comfortable. We have this saying in Montana - ok, probably every state has this saying, except Hawaii - "if you want to see the weather change, just wait 5 minutes." I'm fairly certain that also applies to kiddos. "Just when you think you have it down & you're in a groove, just wait 5 minutes." Here are some things I've learned through this roller coaster:
1. It will take time to bond with your baby. And it is ok. It doesn't mean you don't love your baby and your heart won't jump into your throat when you're checking on baby for the fifteenth time in ten minutes while he/she is sleeping and you think they've stopped breathing.  You just brought a new human into this world and you have to get to know each other. It's like bringing home a complete stranger who doesn't speak your language & can only communicate by crying. That's not easy.
2. You will be judged.   It doesn't matter if it's the name of your child or how soon you choose to go back to work, someone at some point will make a comment that stings & makes you question your ability as a parent. And you need to remain strong in your belief that you're doing the right thing for you & your family.  When comments hurt, smile & nod & say "thank you, I'll take that into consideration" (while clenching your teeth & thinking "bite me") or "thanks for your concern, if you'd like to pay two months of our mortgage payments, I'll be happy to stay home longer with baby." If you have any doubts on the health of your child or how things are going, consult with your pediatrician. You and your pediatrician are teammates & they are a wealth of knowledge for caretaking of little ones. If you don't like your pediatrician, find one you can trust. Which brings me to my next point...
3. Find a pediatrician you like and trust. Not just the pediatrician but their office staff, too. Before you have the baby, interview several pediatricians. If they work with a group of pediatricians & share duties, make sure to interview their partnering peds. When I say you become teammates, you need to know, like & trust this doc A LOT.  Not only do they help guide you in the development of this little person, they will (hopefully) be a your child's healthcare provider for a looong time. You want someone that your kiddo will like & trust too.
4. You will be amazed at your ability to find a second wind.  Just when you think you can't get up in the middle of the night  again, your baby cries for you at 2 a.m., you jump up, rub the sleep out of your eyes, & commence taking care of this little creature. You may not jump up as quickly after the first two weeks, it's more of a stumble, but you have inner strength you never knew possible.
5. Your communication with you partner is  crucial.   Whether it's discussing who will take which feeding shift, asking if there is something that person needs free time to accomplish (working out, showering, cooking), or asking for help, you must must MUST have open lines of communication. If you don't have a live-in partner, this holds true for anyone helping you in the care of your child.
6. You will resent your baby & your new life. I KNOW, this sounds incredibly harsh but before you filet me, admit it's true. There will be times you will look at your screaming child, your eyes a vacant black hole of sleep deprivation, & (guiltily) wish you were back to your carefree childless days. And it is ok. You love your family but you don't always like them. Same holds true for your new addition. Understand these emotions are normal & it will pass. The only time to be concerned is if you become a risk to you or your baby...
7. Ask for help. These are in no particular order but this would be one of the most important. You may think you are the strongest, most sane person but this baby will test your limits and it may shake you to the core.  Your patience will run very very thin. You MUST be willing to ask your support person, whoever that may be, for help. In the very least, put your baby in their crib (with no blankets, toys, or anything dangerous) or on the floor (a baby can't roll off anything if they're on the floor, away from hazards of course) & walk away. Collect yourself, take a deep breath, & don't get your baby until you know it is safe.  If you & your partner are helping each other out, you may have days where you're trading baby back & forth every 30 minutes. That's ok.  If you see your partner struggling but you're in a good place, take over child duties & give that person a break.
8. "Things" will fall by the wayside. Give yourself a break on them. Cleaning, home improvement, yard work...  Babies take a lot of work & time. By the time you feed, change, console, & get them down for a (short) nap, it's time to start it all over again. And they do these silly things like go through growth spurts or get sick & just when you think you might have some free time, they need extra snuggling. Find your priorities - sleep, working out, laundry, manicures, cleaning - whatever those "things" are that you absolutely require to feel human & make time for them. The other stuff will happen again. Someday. In eighteen years when your child moves out.
9. Time does not move fast. But only in the beginning. Everyone says, "oh time moves so quick & before you know it, they're teenagers." Bullshit. The first month feels like it goes by soooo slowly. It's tough & you're not sure if you're ever going to get the hang of this child-rearing stuff. But suddenly, it's month two & your baby that was 7 pounds & fit snugly in your arms is almost 11 pounds & she's almost too long for your arms. Time begins to move a little quicker...
10. And you realize you are figuring out this parenting thing.  Your baby, YOUR baby, starts to smile & coo & babble. He or she spends less time sleeping or fussing and  now hangs out with you in the kitchen. They start sleeping a little longer at night. You watch as they notice their hands for the first time. Your heart soars as you see these milestones. And when you realize it won't be long before your baby is more independent, you hold them a little tighter as they fall asleep in your arms.

Bonus tip: Stay off social media of any sort. When you see someone post a status of "Hehe, finally fitting into my pre-pregnancy jeans two weeks post partum & my perfect baby just spit up a little on them. So cute!" & you're still in maternity leggings six weeks post partum & your baby hasn't napped all day & pooped on your sweatpants (that you're still wearing at 4 p.m.), you will cry. Then you will try on your pre-pregnancy pants & realize they still don't fit. Then you will cry again. Then you will eat wayyyy too much ice cream. Or cheese. Or both.

Stay off social media.

Two months

The wax and wane of loss and life...  One day we mourn the loss of our beloved pup and the next day we celebrate two months of life for our beautiful daughter.

Munchkin turned two months on December 2 and the next day, had her two-month well visit with the pediatrician.  She didn't grow much in weight but she's grown in height and head circumference.  Yay big noggin!  More room for all that brain matter.  :)  The pediatrician isn't concerned about her weight, since she's growing in the other areas too.  She explained that sometimes babies will gain more height and weight has to catch up or vice versa.  Either way, other than a small cold (thanks to Mom & Dad), she's very healthy.  She then received five vaccinations - one oral & three injections (one injection combined vaccinations).  Oh my goodness, the scream.  She cried so hard.  But then she fell asleep & was, for the most part, a champ the rest of the day!  It doesn't hurt we spent a lot of the day snuggling.
Likes: Daddy (this girl lights UP when daddy is nearby), activity (she loves when we're in the kitchen moving around & she's in her bouncer observing & interacting), mama's milk, snuggling, being nekkid, smiling/giggling/cooing, her hands (this is a recent development - she's now watching her hands), warm shower/bath, sleeping (when she's in a deep sleep but it's nearing feeding time, you can see her internal struggle as she tries to decide whether it's time to eat or time to keep sleeping)
Dislikes: Hunger, boring or quiet rooms, getting out of the shower/bath, 5-9 p.m. (the witching hours!), vaccinations, gas

You are our angel

You filled our souls with joy.  You made us laugh & you made us cry (in frustration).  Your expression of joy went to new heights (pun intended).  Your tail could take down mountains.  Your love and loyalty were unparalleled to another.  You loved to snuggle and loved to swim and loved to run and loved to hunt and loved to love.  But above all, you loved to eat.  You approached life with a zest unmatched.

We count ourselves among the luckiest to have shared our lives with you.  You faced the end with grace and dignity.  Your time was too short but we know you were placed on this Earth, and in our lives, for a purpose.  Our world is a little rosier, and a little goofier, since you came barreling into it.  You are our angel.  

We will see you in Heaven.  And we'll go for a run together again.

We love you, Brewer.

"Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened." Anatole France

Wherein life is consumed by a ten pound human

Parents, how do you get anything done with a baby?  Since we had her, it seems like we've barely been able to take care of the essentials to maintain sanity (running, showering, eating & laundry).  One of us is usually running interference with the little one, giving the other spouse a few minutes to get something done.  Let's ignore the fact the house desperately needs cleaned & home improvement has come to all but a standstill.

Despite it all, we fall in love with her over and over and over again.  And each day she surprises us with new development - smiles, giggles, movement.

 Her hair is fabulous.

 Hands by the head/face for sleeping.  Always.

 "Please, no pictures right now."

 Her papa put her down in front of the mirror in our room & she was instantly fascinated.  Look closely & you can see Brewer's snout, checking things out.

 Coy smile.

 Our turkey was not amused.

 These are the moments when the plug comes in handy.

As I was looking through pictures, I realized we never posted these pictures from the fall, shortly after we moved into the house.  We have a dogwood shrub which we happily discovered attracts a large variety of birds.  We'd sit in our sun room, eating dinner & watching the birds fill up on the berries, preparing for winter.

More recently, we've had a series of strong windstorms.  We saw this girl taking advantage of the spilled sunflower seeds from the bird feeder after a strong wind blew through the area.

One month

I had plans to post this on November 2, which would be Butterbean's one month birthday.  But babies have a way of taking your plans & throwing them out the window (or spitting up on them or pooping on them or sleeping through them or crying through them).  With as busy as she's kept me, I'm perfect happy posting this two days late.  Close enough.

Our girl is growing quickly & keeping us on our toes.  We love her so very much - what an amazing addition to the family.  Despite the fact sleep deprivation is possibly causing us to act like we're drunk.  It explains a lot.  Seriously.

The dogs (mostly) love her.  Brewer takes a special interest in her.  I know they feel neglected because we're not spending nearly enough time loving on them but it's amazing to watch them check on her.  When she starts crying, however, Guinness disappears.

Her chicken neck.  Gets me, every time.  So cute!

 We get this look, a lot.  The quizzical look.

Butterbean, you enrich our lives every day.  We miss sleeping in & the spontaneity of our pre-children days but we wouldn't change anything.  We love watching you grow & learn.  As you begin to find your voice, giggling & babbling & squeaking, we grin like fools & snuggle you closer.  We love all your hilarious faces

Except this face.  Ouch.

Happy Birthday beautiful baby girl.

A birth story that went completely different than planned

I've tried to write this post a few times but struggled to find the right words.  Baby blues are legitimate.  I'm thankful the nurses and pediatrician warned me I'd be an emotional nutcase after leaving the hospital.  Raging hormones & sleep deprivation do not lend well to mental stability postpartum.  I heeded their advice but also thought, "it can't be that bad, I'm a fairly stable person."  Ha.  Ego check.  It manifested before we left the hospital but reared its ugliest head the first week post-discharge.  I would break down crying for no particular reason & my knight of a husband spent many moments hugging & reassuring me everything was okay.  Luckily, each day I faced less meltdowns & within 4-5 days of leaving the hospital, I only noticed fleeting sadness.

Coupled with the expected emotional meltdowns, everything felt compounded by the fact our labor & delivery did not go as planned.  Our pregnancy progressed extremely low-risk, healthy, & "easy."  Butterbean was head down by the end of the third trimester & I (wrongly) thought labor & delivery would proceed in a similar manner.  We planned a natural delivery with little to no pain meds, except for the possibility of an epidural.  Hindsight 20/20, I was in denial.  I wouldn't need a C-section.  I was healthy & my pregnancy had been so low-key.  I was so very very wrong.

Wednesday, October 1, I woke at 4:30 a.m., by what I thought to be my incredibly compressed bladder requiring yet another trip to the loo.  Wrong.  I laid down in bed & at 4:40, felt an odd & new cramp in my pelvis.  My sleepy brain snapped awake when I realized that cramp was not a cramp but instead a contraction.  I grabbed my phone & for the next hour, logged my contractions in an app I downloaded the prior week (yes, there's an app for everything).  By 5:30, contractions were every ten minutes & I couldn't contain my excitement.  Like a cat stalking prey, I stared at hubby, willing him to wake up.  He must have felt my eyes drilling holes into his face because he woke up & immediately asked what was going on when he saw the stupid grin on my face.  I'm not one to be that wide awake that early.

I continued logging contractions & we spent the morning distracting ourselves with breakfast, errands, neighborhood walks, anything to pass the time.  By noon, we convinced ourselves the contractions were close enough & strong enough to proceed to the hospital.  Imagine our disappointment when we were told I wasn't dilated & the contractions truly weren't close enough to indicate the start of labor.  *Sigh*  We drove home like deflated balloons.

By evening, contractions were incredibly uncomfortable.  A warm bath offered the most comfort & when we tried to watch a movie, I could barely concentrate & spent every few minutes pacing the room.  We attempted sleep but contractions wouldn't allow me to rest.  By 2 a.m., contractions were so painful & close together, we decided we needed to go to the hospital again.  This time, they found me to be 2 cm dilated & we were admitted.  Hooray!  It was time to have a baby.

For the next four hours, I writhed in pain as each contraction blasted me, stronger & stronger.  Although you're encouraged to move & walk to promote labor, the only truly comfortable spots for me were a warm bath or in bed.  By 6:30 a.m., I was dilated between 5-6 cm & given the green light to receive the epidural.  I struggled internally with the decision & in my sleep-deprived brain, convinced myself I was "giving up."  Tough people don't get epidurals & I'm tough.  But the contractions were so incredibly painful & I was receiving no relief in between (contractions are supposed to peak & subside; at this point, mine were not subsiding).  Looking back, I know the long labor taxed me, mentally & physically.  Deep exhaustion left me indecisive & unsure.  I don't know what I would have done without my better half by my side.

Before shift change - which might delay the anesthesiologist by an hour or more - I selected to receive my epidural.  The epidural went smoothly & within a few minutes, I immediately relaxed.  I continued experiencing pressure during contractions but the pain was gone.  For the first time in over 24 hours, I was able to catch a few winks of sleep.

Within an hour, I woke to commotion in the room.  Hubby explained they noticed Butterbean's heart rate was dropping precipitously low with each contraction.  Her low heart rate indicated stress & the likelihood she was deprived of oxygen during the contractions.  Our midwife was called in & she discussed the concerns - my dilation stalled out at 6 cm, Butterbean's heart rate was too low during contractions (anything below 100 bpm is a red flag; her rate was dropping to 80 bpm), & I was experiencing heavier than normal bloody discharge.  She called in the OB/GYN for consultation & he explained the possibility of C-section.  He gave us time to discuss but did mention if her heart rate dropped that low again, we would be facing an emergency C-section.

I cried.  I was so incredibly exhausted & I thought I failed us & our baby.  Everything was going so horribly wrong.  I didn't want a C-section but the thought something might be wrong with our baby was too much.  In my continuously taxed mind, I determined my decision to receive the epidural was the root cause for the sudden onset of complications.  Hubby knew I was struggling & mentioned my concern to the nurse (he could tell I was not going to say anything).  She immediately reassured me that was not the case.  Within a few minutes, the OB/GYN returned & much to my relief, explained the epidural did not cause the complications.  I'm so grateful to the nurse; I know she sensed my distress & made it a point to tell the OB/GYN so he could talk me off the ledge.

We decided waiting was not an option.  We could not put our baby in that kind of danger & knew the C-section was worth the safety of baby & mama.  Immediately, the room became a flurry of activity as we prepped for surgery.  I was wheeled into the OR & hubby waited in the family room, dressed in scrubs & waiting for a nurse to retrieve him.  My epidural was switched to a spinal block (weird, weird feeling) & once I was ready, they brought hubby into the room to sit with me.

The surgery lasted mere minutes.  I was numb from the chest down (seriously, a weird feeling) but could feel the pulling & tugging as the OB/GYN & midwife quickly excised Butterbean.  We heard her cry & she immediately went to the nurse & pediatrician for a quick evaluation.  Hubby joined them & I watched from the operating table while I was closed up.  The OB/GYN & midwife found the cause of the complications - placental abruption.  After determining she was perfectly healthy, she was brought to my chest to bond for a few minutes.  I was cleaned up, we were wheeled into recovery, & Butterbean was back on my chest to breastfeed.

We survived the C-section & recovery has been better than expected (I attribute that to staying healthy during the pregnancy).  Not to mention, we have an absolutely beautiful, healthy daughter keeping us awake at night brightening our lives every day.

Welcome to the world, Lillian Marie

At 10:46 a.m. on Thursday, October 2, we welcomed a beautiful 6 lb. 15 oz. baby girl.  Lillian Marie came into the world via C-section after an exhaustive 30+ hour labor.

Despite some rough nights, we are so incredibly smitten.  Being new parents is exhausting (so.incredibly.exhausting) but we catch ourselves staring at her in awe, still unsure we created this little being.  

I wasn't sure if I should post a birth story but if anyone takes comfort in our experience, it's worth it.  Story to follow...

And so begins the home improvement fun!

As I mentioned, we bought a house!  We love love love it.  It's perfect for our growing family & a place we can call home for a long time.

So with a house, especially one built in 1983, there are plenty of updates we plan to work on (over time).  We are very lucky in the sense that all three previous owners didn't do too many anxiety-inducing updates.  We'd both rather a house that's fairly untouched, something well-built that we can update, as opposed to a house with a bunch of hack updates poorly done.  I think it's PTSD from our house in Sheridan & the shoddy "updates" all the previous owners attempted.  So while a lot of things are outdated in the house, at least the house was well taken care of previously.  (We are very blessed with the fact the most recent owners already updated the kitchen & we love love love it.  No need to update a kitchen - they are expensive).

Master Bedroom
We couldn't escape wallpaper.  It's a given - someone at some point is going to think it's a good idea to have wallpaper.  False.  Wallpaper should be banned.  We are incredibly luck with this house...only two walls in the entire house had wallpaper!

 Even pregnant women can pull wallpaper.  Brewer thought he was helping but he was really just supervising.

 Ta-da!  Wallpaper gone, new paint!  We also installed new carpet in the master bedroom & the other bedroom on the second floor (nursery).  And by we, I mean we bought carpet from Home Depot & they installed it (they were running a special for free installation with a minimum purchase).  The wallpaper pictures have the old carpet.
The right side of the picture shows a strip of green/brown paint - that's where our master bath starts (& that's a whole other mess of a project that's down the road).

 The blue came from the "mistake" section...$9 for a gallon of Behr primer + paint?  You betcha!  That stuff normally costs ~$30/gallon.

Eventually we'd like to have "big kid furniture" (notice our dressers are those plastic drawers you can find at any big box store) but one day (& expense) at a time.  We also want to eventually have sage-color bedding, we think that will really tie the room together.

Nursery
The nursery also received a few coats of new paint (thanks for your help, mom!).  A Lipetzky baby wouldn't be complete without a Red Sox blanket.  And that's not a giant green monster trying to eat the chair - that's the lovely maternity/nursing pillow that has an odd resemblance to the Loch Ness.

We surprised ourselves when we picked the bright purple.  But you only have a baby girl how many times?  It's good to have some fun.  Girl also has a walk-in closet - spoiled!  :)  You can see the old carpet still in the closet.  Both master bedroom & nursery have carpets in the closets & we'd like to eventually switch that out for a low-maintenance flooring, so to save money on the carpet install, we left the closets alone.

 Eventually I'll tackle the floor trim in the room (you can see I stripped the first coat of paint & underneath is even worse - a horrifically bright red).  I can't explain it but I have serious issues with mismatched trim.  It borders on obsession.  So some day, in all of my spare time, I will either strip it back down to natural wood or buy/install new trim (matching the rest of the trim in the house).

2nd Floor Bathroom
In addition to the master bath, we have a 3/4 bath on the 2nd floor (next to the nursery).  We noticed a small water leak from the toilet (causing the floor to bubble) & although we weren't planning on tearing into this bathroom so soon, it just became more clear to us it would be silly to replace the toilet if we planned to eventually re-do this bathroom.

I failed on the "before" pictures but you get the idea of what we had in the bathroom...  The toilet was an old-school, short & wide tan toilet while the shower has lovely brown/mauve tiles & gold fittings.  The vanity sink was a recent update, so we'll be able to reuse that piece.

 Steve was tired by the end of the day - he broke out a lot of concrete from that shower pan.  We plan to keep it a 3/4 bathroom with a corner shower but we'll put down an acrylic shower base with tile walls.  And frameless shower doors, which cut way down on water being trapped in little nooks.

And with those projects complete, we've taken a day or two to breathe & NOT do any home improvement.  Luckily we enjoy doing our own home improvements - it's incredibly satisfying to see a project start-to-finish (except for plumbing & electrical - we leave that for the professionals).  Next up - finishing this bathroom...

Due date...come & gone...

We sit and wait for Baby Lipetzky to make her arrival.  Well, not really sit & wait.  Since we just purchased & moved into a house (more on that to come later!), we're keeping ourselves very, very busy.  Although it's tough keeping anxiety at bay, the home improvement projects fill our days (& nights) with plenty of tasks.

We slacked off on taking pictures recently, although we blame that entirely on the move.  With that being said, we managed, between an afternoon of showers, to capture a few pictures at our new place.

If you look closely over my shoulder, we captured a rainbow.  :)

 Guinness decided to join me for this picture, which he promptly left as his brother, Brewer, was investigating something & Guinness just couldn't wait to check it out.

 In front of the new house!  Don't mind the garbages; we're keeping those readily available while we work our way through home improvement projects.

Due Date: September 27, 2014 (womp womp, we're now past due)
Gender: Girl
Weight Gain: ~30 lbs.
Food Cravings/Aversions:  Hilarious question.  By full-term, the strong food aversions & cravings are almost disappeared.  I do find myself craving more vegetarian & less meat; I'm not sure where it stems from but if I lived alone & only cooked for myself, I probably would not be eating meat about 90% of the time.  Except for chicken nuggets - sorry folks, nothing will stop my love for chicken nuggets.  Throughout this entire pregnancy, certain meals simply don't sound good - hamburgers, steak, etc.  However, since hubby & I share cooking duties (& the poor guy would be reduced to skin & bones), we continue to eat meat as we did pre-pregnancy.  I'll eat meat if it's served but I won't be the one ordering a 1/2 pound burger when we go out to eat.
Symptoms:  Oh Lord, the hormones have hit & they've hit hard.  I will chalk some of it up to the stress of the move but I didn't understand the emotional roller coaster a lot of women complain about until this last trimester.  Whether it's choosing a couch or how to organize a closet in the new place, I can be reduced to a puddle of tears in approximately 10 seconds flat.  I can't help it & immediately after the episode passes, I can't figure out what the hell is my problem.  It's as if a crazy woman possesses my body & mind.  My dear, dear husband wins "Most Amazingly Patient" & "Best Husband" for a lifetime (X 100).
Physically, the last trimester has also been the most difficult.  My hips/back ache like an elderly rheumatic, heartburn is a common middle-of-the-night wake-up call, my bladder holds approximately 1 oz of liquid (also inducing regular nighttime interruptions), & I can't bend at the waist (making it fun when I drop something on the floor).
Otherwise, life is a peach!  :)
Ring:  Still fits...barely...  I wear it to work, otherwise it comes off.  Anytime we're doing any sort of chore, the ring stays off.  It takes very little time for my fingers to swell a bit & then I can forget taking my ring off.
Running/Workouts: Still rocking it with the workouts!  I'm taking walks around our neighborhood & have set up a workout room in our basement to lift weights.  I actually prefer weight-lifting at this point; even walking leaves me in need of a bathroom & sore lower abs.  I have also enjoyed days off because the closer we get to due date, the more tired I am & the harder my body is working (yes, cooking dinner leaves me tired).  This past weekend, we found a good deal on Craigslist for a decent treadmill, so we pulled the trigger & brought her home.  With the pending change in schedule (& weather), we know a 'mill will help us maintain our sanity.  Between hubby & myself, we will most definitely get our money's worth out of the new toy.