Lessons from a first-time mom

 Two months in & I think we're figuring some things out. But I won't get too comfortable. We have this saying in Montana - ok, probably every state has this saying, except Hawaii - "if you want to see the weather change, just wait 5 minutes." I'm fairly certain that also applies to kiddos. "Just when you think you have it down & you're in a groove, just wait 5 minutes." Here are some things I've learned through this roller coaster:
1. It will take time to bond with your baby. And it is ok. It doesn't mean you don't love your baby and your heart won't jump into your throat when you're checking on baby for the fifteenth time in ten minutes while he/she is sleeping and you think they've stopped breathing.  You just brought a new human into this world and you have to get to know each other. It's like bringing home a complete stranger who doesn't speak your language & can only communicate by crying. That's not easy.
2. You will be judged.   It doesn't matter if it's the name of your child or how soon you choose to go back to work, someone at some point will make a comment that stings & makes you question your ability as a parent. And you need to remain strong in your belief that you're doing the right thing for you & your family.  When comments hurt, smile & nod & say "thank you, I'll take that into consideration" (while clenching your teeth & thinking "bite me") or "thanks for your concern, if you'd like to pay two months of our mortgage payments, I'll be happy to stay home longer with baby." If you have any doubts on the health of your child or how things are going, consult with your pediatrician. You and your pediatrician are teammates & they are a wealth of knowledge for caretaking of little ones. If you don't like your pediatrician, find one you can trust. Which brings me to my next point...
3. Find a pediatrician you like and trust. Not just the pediatrician but their office staff, too. Before you have the baby, interview several pediatricians. If they work with a group of pediatricians & share duties, make sure to interview their partnering peds. When I say you become teammates, you need to know, like & trust this doc A LOT.  Not only do they help guide you in the development of this little person, they will (hopefully) be a your child's healthcare provider for a looong time. You want someone that your kiddo will like & trust too.
4. You will be amazed at your ability to find a second wind.  Just when you think you can't get up in the middle of the night  again, your baby cries for you at 2 a.m., you jump up, rub the sleep out of your eyes, & commence taking care of this little creature. You may not jump up as quickly after the first two weeks, it's more of a stumble, but you have inner strength you never knew possible.
5. Your communication with you partner is  crucial.   Whether it's discussing who will take which feeding shift, asking if there is something that person needs free time to accomplish (working out, showering, cooking), or asking for help, you must must MUST have open lines of communication. If you don't have a live-in partner, this holds true for anyone helping you in the care of your child.
6. You will resent your baby & your new life. I KNOW, this sounds incredibly harsh but before you filet me, admit it's true. There will be times you will look at your screaming child, your eyes a vacant black hole of sleep deprivation, & (guiltily) wish you were back to your carefree childless days. And it is ok. You love your family but you don't always like them. Same holds true for your new addition. Understand these emotions are normal & it will pass. The only time to be concerned is if you become a risk to you or your baby...
7. Ask for help. These are in no particular order but this would be one of the most important. You may think you are the strongest, most sane person but this baby will test your limits and it may shake you to the core.  Your patience will run very very thin. You MUST be willing to ask your support person, whoever that may be, for help. In the very least, put your baby in their crib (with no blankets, toys, or anything dangerous) or on the floor (a baby can't roll off anything if they're on the floor, away from hazards of course) & walk away. Collect yourself, take a deep breath, & don't get your baby until you know it is safe.  If you & your partner are helping each other out, you may have days where you're trading baby back & forth every 30 minutes. That's ok.  If you see your partner struggling but you're in a good place, take over child duties & give that person a break.
8. "Things" will fall by the wayside. Give yourself a break on them. Cleaning, home improvement, yard work...  Babies take a lot of work & time. By the time you feed, change, console, & get them down for a (short) nap, it's time to start it all over again. And they do these silly things like go through growth spurts or get sick & just when you think you might have some free time, they need extra snuggling. Find your priorities - sleep, working out, laundry, manicures, cleaning - whatever those "things" are that you absolutely require to feel human & make time for them. The other stuff will happen again. Someday. In eighteen years when your child moves out.
9. Time does not move fast. But only in the beginning. Everyone says, "oh time moves so quick & before you know it, they're teenagers." Bullshit. The first month feels like it goes by soooo slowly. It's tough & you're not sure if you're ever going to get the hang of this child-rearing stuff. But suddenly, it's month two & your baby that was 7 pounds & fit snugly in your arms is almost 11 pounds & she's almost too long for your arms. Time begins to move a little quicker...
10. And you realize you are figuring out this parenting thing.  Your baby, YOUR baby, starts to smile & coo & babble. He or she spends less time sleeping or fussing and  now hangs out with you in the kitchen. They start sleeping a little longer at night. You watch as they notice their hands for the first time. Your heart soars as you see these milestones. And when you realize it won't be long before your baby is more independent, you hold them a little tighter as they fall asleep in your arms.

Bonus tip: Stay off social media of any sort. When you see someone post a status of "Hehe, finally fitting into my pre-pregnancy jeans two weeks post partum & my perfect baby just spit up a little on them. So cute!" & you're still in maternity leggings six weeks post partum & your baby hasn't napped all day & pooped on your sweatpants (that you're still wearing at 4 p.m.), you will cry. Then you will try on your pre-pregnancy pants & realize they still don't fit. Then you will cry again. Then you will eat wayyyy too much ice cream. Or cheese. Or both.

Stay off social media.

Two months

The wax and wane of loss and life...  One day we mourn the loss of our beloved pup and the next day we celebrate two months of life for our beautiful daughter.

Munchkin turned two months on December 2 and the next day, had her two-month well visit with the pediatrician.  She didn't grow much in weight but she's grown in height and head circumference.  Yay big noggin!  More room for all that brain matter.  :)  The pediatrician isn't concerned about her weight, since she's growing in the other areas too.  She explained that sometimes babies will gain more height and weight has to catch up or vice versa.  Either way, other than a small cold (thanks to Mom & Dad), she's very healthy.  She then received five vaccinations - one oral & three injections (one injection combined vaccinations).  Oh my goodness, the scream.  She cried so hard.  But then she fell asleep & was, for the most part, a champ the rest of the day!  It doesn't hurt we spent a lot of the day snuggling.
Likes: Daddy (this girl lights UP when daddy is nearby), activity (she loves when we're in the kitchen moving around & she's in her bouncer observing & interacting), mama's milk, snuggling, being nekkid, smiling/giggling/cooing, her hands (this is a recent development - she's now watching her hands), warm shower/bath, sleeping (when she's in a deep sleep but it's nearing feeding time, you can see her internal struggle as she tries to decide whether it's time to eat or time to keep sleeping)
Dislikes: Hunger, boring or quiet rooms, getting out of the shower/bath, 5-9 p.m. (the witching hours!), vaccinations, gas

You are our angel

You filled our souls with joy.  You made us laugh & you made us cry (in frustration).  Your expression of joy went to new heights (pun intended).  Your tail could take down mountains.  Your love and loyalty were unparalleled to another.  You loved to snuggle and loved to swim and loved to run and loved to hunt and loved to love.  But above all, you loved to eat.  You approached life with a zest unmatched.

We count ourselves among the luckiest to have shared our lives with you.  You faced the end with grace and dignity.  Your time was too short but we know you were placed on this Earth, and in our lives, for a purpose.  Our world is a little rosier, and a little goofier, since you came barreling into it.  You are our angel.  

We will see you in Heaven.  And we'll go for a run together again.

We love you, Brewer.

"Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened." Anatole France